I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
