oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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