Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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