he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
