woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
