She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
