I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
