Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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