How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
