No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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