so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
