There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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