Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
