Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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