They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
