So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
