Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
