The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Less talking, more tequila
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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