wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
