Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
vagina is talking i cant
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
