the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
