haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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