I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wow bdsm is so cute
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
