WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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