The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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