If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
