he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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