New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im holly from the hills drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
