So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
