she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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