I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
