I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize