Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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