I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
