You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize