she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
