you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
