I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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