I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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