so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
