we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
