Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
