so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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