Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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