It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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