I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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