he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
