I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
