Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
