Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
