I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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