So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
