I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
