I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
