I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
