Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
