So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
