My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
