i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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