Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
