he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
