Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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