well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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