i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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