i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
