He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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