Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
