He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
