if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
