There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
