I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
