I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
