I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
