Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
