Already got asked if we're dating
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
