I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
