Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
